Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins – Mediocre disappointment.

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins by Robert Schwentke.
My rating: ⭐ ⭐ out of 5 stars.

After saving the life of their heir apparent, tenacious loner Snake Eyes is welcomed into an ancient Japanese clan called the Arashikage where he is taught the ways of the ninja warrior. But, when secrets from his past are revealed, Snake Eyes’ honor and allegiance will be tested – even if that means losing the trust of those closest to him.

I actually liked the two first G.I. Joe movies, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and G.I. Joe: Retaliation. This one… not so much.

It could have been a really good movie but it ended up as a huge disappointment. The story should have been a cool revenge story but it ended up being a convoluted mess making Snake Eyes one of the bad guys for most of the movie. It is also hugely predictable after the first 20 minutes of the movie. Did the writers really think that the “twists” would come as a surprise for anyone? They probably did since Hollywod writers usually reside on the low end of the intelligence scale nowadays. Putting three of those hacks together to write a movie doesn’t help of course.

I could have accepted all of that if the rest would have been cool with lots of fights and special effects. Sadly the movie is mediocre, at best, in these areas as well.

Snake Eyes is not only a bad guy but he is rather stupid as well as devoid of any charisma. His acting is quite poor which can be said for most of the actors actually. Apart from the mediocre acting there’s really no one in the movie that you feel like rooting for. No one stands out, everyone just excels in mediocrity. The only person in the entire movie that has any coolness factor worth talking about is Scarlett but she is not in the movie for more than a few scenes.

There are a few scenes with some special effects, cars flipping over, huge snakes etc. but not really that much for this kind of movie. That could have been fine since this movie should be a lot about martial arts. Amazingly enough, not even here does it deliver. Most of the martial arts scenes involve a lot of flipping around with arms and swords but they mostly look like they have been written for a PG rated TV show for teens and pre-teens. They are simply poor. Tommy looks like he needs to take a dump before every fight with that ridiculous pose of his.

This is not a 1-star movie as some rate it. That’s just ridiculous. It has some entertainment value. However, it could have been so much better. Unfortunately I suspect this movie has done the G.I. Joe franchise a disservice for some time to come.

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